One thing I miss from my Catholic days is confession.

The principle was, you could do pretty much what ever you liked as long as you told the priest, who - as God’s representative - would let you off if you promised to say some prayers and do a penance.

And the Priest might say: "For your penance, you must say ten hail Mary’s. And Sister Splinter-Of-The-One-True-Cross needs her colostomy bag emptying. God has forgiven you your sins. Go in peace, and.... oh, oh, come back, I nearly forgot. You must enter an adventure sprint race (AR)"

Chris: "Right you are, father"

Venue: Mount Rozier wine farm in Somerset West. You can’t miss it. It’s right next to a bloody great big mountain. This fact is relevant.

Start time: 9:00am, to ensure a moderately warm 28 degrees at the start and a toasty 33 degrees at the end.

The plan: Cycle 10km’s. Have a bit of a swim, run in the forest for 3 more km’s and then do it all over again.

The reality: The event kicked off 1 minute late because the organisers were helping a competitor sort out a missing skewer nut. I thought at first that they were doing this simply because they are friendly folk. I now know it was so that they were not short a victim.



At the siren 200 odd people on mountain bikes, in two person teams, all went hell for leather through a tight right hander and then after 400 meters it was up, up and away on the first small incline. The first real obstacle was after 1.5km when having gained a mere 120 meters in elevation, the road suddenly stopped, to be replaced by a forest lying on it’s side. A brief portage through the trees followed. At this stage I would like to apologise to all those people I tramped on. I honestly did not see you there. *uncrosses fingers*



Some very technical downhill single-track was now followed by some very, very uphill technical single-track. This was closely followed by some more up, with a brief respite afforded by going up some more. In the middle of this ’up" was a small straight with the mother of all 30 kph super-negative camber corners hiding in the shade of an old tree. It was OK the first time round but a bit slippery with blood on lap two.



And then it was downhill. On rocks. Big. Loose. Rocks. And here I have a word of caution to the uninitiated. When you see an organisers warning sign with three downward pointing arrows on it, just fall off your bike immediately. Don’t resist, it is futile and wastes time. Just fall off right there. And start bleeding.



At the bottom of the hill was a combination of vineyard and sand. I got spat off 4 times in two laps by this evil sand. I can’t believe that I had so little traction. My brand new front tyres just washed out from under me every time and whoops, I was off the bike and face deep in sand. But no matter about the sand because it was now time for the much anticipated cool down swim.



In the race advertising stuff it tells you of a river crossing with tubes. The people who write this kind of pisswibble need to be slaughtered for the good of humanity. At the very least, they should be inhumanely sterilised. And jumped on with spiked shoes. In my minds eye I had conjured up visions of a comfortable float across a river and then back again, with the speed of the gentle current deciding the winner of the leg while I supped on a cold brew.

The reality was a 100 meter wide pig trough with glutinous primordial slime asunder and long weeds clinging to all exposed limbs and appendages. After a two way river levitation atop a (compulsory) car inner tube, it was back on the bike for a short 200 meters section to the transition area before the run.



The run was fun. Really. 3km through forest, vineyard and single track. Time to take a break, chew an energy bar, drink (and pee) some fluid and build up your mental reserves for the second lap, because yes, you have to do it all over again.



After two laps of this insanity I confess to being absolutely knackered and I really should be ashamed of myself because of it. The winning Hi-Tech team did the whole route as a warm up before the event, then did the two lap race followed by another lap just for the fun of it. The cocky little whipper snappers.



The winning new Balance team did the course in time. 1hour and 23 minutes. My brother and I scraped home in a sluggish 2 hours and 25 minutes.



If you are into staying fit and having a great time these events are for you, but a word of warning to my fellow old farts. There is no concession made in Adventure Racing to age. Things like vets, masters and sub vets are left to the mamby pamby practitioners of cycling.

 Chris Hitchcock